Hey guys and gals…
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat sh*t in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program .....
OR from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7
million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer
who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car to
prevent a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when
it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Now, if you don't forward this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large seagull with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your
backside, causing you to grow a hairy lump. I know this will occur,
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has
discovered, that people with high intellegence but low IQ who have
infrequent sexual activity, always read their e-mails with their hand on
the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Have a great 2008 and keep emailing
Love and hugs as ever,