Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Body waxing

Maybe this is a question I should ask over on Urban Pedestrian's blog, but what is body waxing like?

I'm quite a hairy guy, especially considering that I'm not of Mediterranean descent. I don't mind hair anywhere else on my body, but I'm kind of self-conscious about my back hair. I have more hair on my back than a lot of guys have on their chests. In fact, one time I had allergy tests, with pin pricks on my back onto which were dropped little doses of possible allergens. The test didn't work, because of my back hair, so I had to get them done again on my arms.

Anyway, with my trip to Dubai coming up in nine days, I have made an appointment to have my back waxed for the first time ever. Just the back, nothing else, no bikini or Brazilian for me, thank you.

The woman who's going to do it told me to take two extra-strength Tylenols before I go, because it hurts. She says she'll do a small patch first, then I can decide whether to proceed. She actually asked me if I've ever seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin, and said it really hurts that much, like a huge band-aid being pulled off.

I'm not really worried. I've survived kidney stones, which I understand is the most painful experience next to childbirth -- which, fortunately, I'll never have to go through.

So fill me in with horror stories and any wisdom you can impart about body waxing.

Why do I get the feeling I just opened the door to an avalanche of smart-assed comments?



1st: Ewwwww. Ewwww. Ewwww.
2nd: Why do they not allow back hair in Dubai?
3rd: You are completely insane.
4th: Ewww. Ewww. Ewww.
5th: I get it. You're going to Dubai to pick up your mail order bride, right? And you don't want her to go Ewww.Ewww. Ewww. Not to worry -- I think Dubai men are pretty furry.
6th: You will never survive a back waxing. Never. If kidney stones are akin to childbirth then back waxing is akin to being kicked hard in the gonands about 12 times in a row. So, good luck with that.

Newsguy Bob said...

Yeah, like you have gonads that have been kicked.

Little Bro Dan suggested the mail-order bridge thing, too, along with the notion that she might end up being hairier than me.

You just figured out now that I'm completely insane? Where ya been?

Patti said...

I read somewhere that the waxing scene in 4-year-old Virgin was not faked...she really waxed him and he really said those things out of sheer agony and shock. Still going through with it? LOL

Misster Kitty said...

Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson!
Ooh! Como se llama!
Oh, nipplefuck!
aaah, I hate you! Stop smiling, you jerk!

Good luck!

JB said...

Don't do it.
You're going to be covered in tiny little (and bloody) holes. You don't want your skin in that delicate a condition when you're going somewhere with sun as intense as Dubai's.
Have someone shave it.
Then, after your sunburn settles down when you get back, try waxing it.
I really don't recommend waxing before you go, if your intention is to get some sun while you're there. Very dangerous.

Yours truly,

Mel A. Noma


Listen to papa jb. He is wise. Plus it was a completely insane idea to begin with. And, no I don't have gonads, but I've heard that it's the closest to actual pain that men have any experience with, hence the gonad kicking simile. Also, there are waxing alternatives like shaving,sugaring and dipilatories, or -- here's a thought.. why not just leave your man-fur alone?

Maria said...

for some strange reason I have tried to post twice and GONZO!

Maria said...

OMG it went through...

OK here is my condensed version.

Is there some sort of law in Dubai that they shoot the hairy men? If not, don't do it... otherwise such a conservative place I am sure there will not be an abundance of people walking around sans shirt!

JB The Pessimist said...

No, Maria. They don't have a law like that. They'll probably shoot just about anybody.

Sorry - I just watched A Mighty Heart last night, and I have even less faith in that part of the world than I used to, if that's possible.

Newsguy Bob said...

I do intend to swim in the Arabian Gulf, which is a short walk from my hosts' place.

Not sure yet what I'm gonna do.

N@ Lauzon said...


John Mielke Photography said...

Speaking as someone who also has hair on his back (OK, I have THREE hairs on my back) - but - ARE YOU NUTS?!?!?!

And if you ARE nuts... would ya get waxed on my show??? And we'll get your A Channel buddies up here with cameras for all to see!

JB said...

I can picture it now - my buddy Kurt standing in the foreground covering the event, you lying on a table in the bg - a la Steve Carell - screaming bloody murder, and making up "Yoowww Kelly Clarkson"-type curses as you get mittfuls of hair ripped from your back.
FOX might want that as a series, actually. Just find 12 more guys who want to be as crazy as you, and you've got yourself a first season.

Newsguy Bob said...

Actually, Milky, where I'm going is just in the Assurance du Canada building, across Dalhousie from the station. Maybe your mic cord will reach. Or just stick it out the window, and you'll hear the screams.

I just hope that building doesn't fall apart again while I'm there, or that my Kelly Clarkson screams don't cause it to crumble.

Ma Horton said...

I love hairy men.