Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Devil and Coffee Cat

Poor "Coffee The Prettiest Cat Ever" (it's really her title, registered with Buckingham Palace and everything) just lived through four days of HELL (lower case just doesn't convey the severity).
This is why:
Sandy, who you'll notice, has many of the same letters in her name as Satan does. Sandy's earthly body is that of a one-year-old terrypoo (half Jack Russell terrier and half poodle). She has chosen my aunt and uncle to feed and house her. The three of them were guests in my home from Friday afternoon until this morning, under the guise of my aunt and uncle attending the Neil Diamond concert on Sunday. It was all a ruse for Sandy/Satan to unleash HELL on poor, unsuspecting Coffee The Prettiest Cat Ever.

Sandy/Satan portrays a playful, lovable, affectionate, full-of-kisses puppy. But if Coffee The Prettiest Cat Ever was actually a boy named Johnny, there would have been a fiddle-off, with the stakes being Coffee's soul up against a golden fiddle.
Sandy/Satan took over the entire house, playing with Coffee's toys, running around like an orangutan and worst of all, dominating Coffee's Daddy's attention -- not to mention Coffee's favourite snoozing place, between her Daddy's knees when he's reclining in his Lazy Boy chair.
Now, Coffee The Prettiest Cat Ever is no wuss. She knows how to defend herself and her territory, even against tactics from HELL. When Sandy/Satan would get too close and/or try to get Coffee to play her devilish games, Coffee would let go with a devilish hiss that even made Sandy/Satan back off. I did not witness it myself, but I'm told that at one point Saturday afternoon, Coffee even tempted fate by belting Sandy/Satan in the head, knocking her for a loop. And all weekend, Coffee kept Sandy/Satan at bay (most of the time) with a stern leer from six or eight feet away. "Go ahead, Devil," the leer conveyed, "make my day. My food and water dishes might have been relegated to the basement to keep you from using them, but I will prevail!"
Coffee The Prettiest Cat Ever is now claiming victory. Sandy/Satan has gone back to Cochrane with her earthly hosts, and Coffee's soul is still intact. She is now once again the dominant creature within these walls. She can now brag that she has been through HELL and back.
Touché! Now, about that golden fiddle...


Maria said...

Poor Coffee.
Sounds like she went threw an ordeal.

Glad things are back to normal for her --- and you!

John Mielke Photography said...

So... wanna take care of Seaumus again? This time @ YOUR house?


WV: refed

Ma Horton said...

Coffee is the prettiest cat ever .. I know a few Satan dogs like that ..none belong to me of course .

Anonymous said...

Wait... you know people who travel from afar to see Neil Diamond? OMG.!!!!

Maria said...

Yyeah, I didn't even think about the Neil Diamond thing.

Is he still alive?

Newsguy Bob said...

Cut them some slack, will ya? Besides being family, they're in their 60s.
I'll try to keep this short, but Aunt Nadine is probably my favourite among the ten aunts on my Mom's side. Mom was third oldest and Aunt Nadine the youngest of the original family of nine kids.
Oh, hell, there's no way to keep this short, so here goes:
Grandpa Beaulieu and his nephew were married to sisters. Grandma Beaulieu died when Aunt Nadine was 6. Nephew had also died, so Grandpa married his sister-in-law/niece by marriage, who had five kids of her own (actually, she was pregnant with number 5 when she was widowed). They had one between them -- Mariebeth, who is only three years older than me, and more like a cousin than an aunt. Do the math: 9+5+1=15. Good blended Catholic family.

And yes, Neil Diamond is still alive.

One more thing: Coffee is back to her loving and lovable self. We even shared an after-supper snooze in the Lazy Boy.

Maria said...

Thanks for the short version. LOL
So, your gramps married his sister-in-law/niece??

Thanks kinky!!

Maria said...

***thats should read *** "That's Kinky"

Maria said...

that should have read "that"


Newsguy Bob said...

Man, that bit about Grandpa marrying his sister-in-law/niece by marriage really rattled you, didn't it, my little baklava?

Maria said...

Speaking of baklava I could go for a nice piece of the sugary delight right about now.

Nahhhhhhhhh, didn't really rattle me. I have heard worse. Like the guy who locked up his daughter in the dungeon/basement for 18 years and had like 5 kids with her. THAT RATTLED ME.

What grandpa did was with someone he was related to by marriage and not his blood so its all good.

Newsguy Bob said...

I only knew step-Grandma Beaulieu, and I can tell, there was a lot of love in that marriage, too, and that's what counts most of all.